At about 7:30am, i heard my doorbell ring a few times. Nude at the time, i threw on a pair of undies, a shirt, a pair of trousers I had been wearing the previous night, and walked 3 floors down the staircase to see who it was.
Upon opening the door, I was greeted by 3 police officers, 1 woman who was designated the role of speaker, and two gentlemen who played the role of enforcement. “Hello, is this the residence of the Perkins family?” the young, mid-20s blonde woman inquired. “I don’t believe so. There’s just me, and a couple of chinese families living on the first and second floors” I answered, not blinking for a moment.
The roughly 30 year old gentleman in the back then announced “Would you mind if we came inside to take a look around?”. Being that I have always been a proponent of privacy rights, I had to ask “May I see your search warrant?”, to which the second gentleman answered “A recent addition to the patriot act granted local police permission to search homes in which wanted felons have records of residency there within.”
My heart began racing the moment he raised his voice. I knew what was going to happen. This fucking cop was going to try and shove his fat stupid head straight into my apartment, similarly to our president’s stomping of the american flag every single night before he goes to bed.
“Not in my America” I said as I pulled my glock out of my rear pocket, pointing it directly into the face of the young woman who had been designated ‘voice of calm introduction’. “Who the fuck do you think you are to fucking walk up to my house, and demand permission to go through all of my shit? Huhh? What fucking authority granted you permission to fuck with the lives of innocent bystandards like this? Huhh?! Who?!”, the third man raised his voice “Take it easy man! We just want to see if the guy we’re looking for lives here!” “Bullshit!” I shouted, raising my gun into the air to fire a warning shot, with a deep roar emanating from the barrel of my gun as the trigger was pulled. “If you had a valid reason to be here, you would have prepared a god damn search warrant, and got it approved by a judge! It’s fucking clear that you’re just here to give me grief, and I’m not going to let you have the pleasure!”.
My heart was racing, but I held firm ground. Every word coming out of my mouth was the god’s honest truth, and I wasn’t going to have it any other way.
“You have exactly 4 seconds to get the fuck out of my gate before i end your partner’s life!”. The two men looked shocked, they weren’t at all prepared for this. Tears had been pouring down the woman’s eyes since the first moment I put the glock to her face. “4!” I shouted, preparing my index finger over the trigger. “3!” I shouted, stairing directly into the eyes of one of the men. “2!”, suddenly one of the man broke his stance, and began to run out of my gate. “1!”, each of the men had made it out of my gate, with only the woman standing next to me.
“Some men” I said aloud to the woman. “I wasn’t really going to kill you, I’ve just been watching these lethal weapon movies all night, and the way those cops act really bothered me”.